Day 7- My Faith is Shaken to Its Core

Hey folks, 

As you all know, I'm a Christian. These past few years I've survived and endure some extremely difficult things. During all of these things I haven't questioned my salvation or my faith once. Sure, several times I questioned God's goodness, "Why would a good God that supposedly loves me so much let this happen to me?" But never once did I question my salvation. 

Yesterday was the first time in my entire life that I questioned my faith and salvation. It shook me to the core and I endured a full day of intense spiritual struggle. Since my faith is so important to me and such a big part of my life this drained me. 

Me entire team was on a bus heading to Navan and the St. Patrick churches (see my pictures from yesterday on my last blog post). Since John Brown University is an interdenominational university there are people on this trip from all kinds of Christian backgrounds and denominations. We all love Jesus but we may believe things differently. 

On my trip there are several hard-core calvinists. I'd heard of predestination before but I never gave it much thought. I've always though of it as: "God is all knowing, but He's also all loving. Since He knows everything He knew who would choose to follow Him. But at the beginning of time He and the other 2 members of the trinity didn't sit down and write down the name of everyone that would ever live and pick who would come to them."

As you would expect with a bunch of people with different faith backgrounds, theological discussion start in long car ride. Yesterday, a Calvinist began speaking and he explained that faith does not save us. No matter how much we believe and try to serve God none of this will matter if we were not elected. (He was not saying works, he was saying our faith does not matter if we weren't elected). 

This thought, of me not being saved because I wasn't elected, raced through my mind. What if my faith was for nothing? What if God hasn't heard my prayers because I wasn't elected? What if everything I've been taught is completely and totally wrong. 

This sent me in a spiritual havoc for 24 hours. I talked to a lot of people and I read Bible verses but none of this brought me comfort. 

This morning I had my Christian Capstone class and it's taught by Hadden, the sweetest elderly Irish man ever. Seriously, he's like the dream grandfather. He's also one of the godliest people I've ever met. He said something that brought me so much comfort, "Krista, God has never turned anyone away from the foot of the cross". That was the truth I needed to hear!

So, my conclusion: Jesus died for my sins. By believing in Him and confessing that He is Christ and God rose Him from the dead, I received salvation that could be given to me by Jesus's death. Maybe God brought me to Ireland so that I could struggle through this and come to this conclusion.